Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
