dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
