I think im going to throw up on grandma
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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