Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
