I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
