i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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