dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
