haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
