ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
