i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
