the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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