im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
