Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
