Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize