when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
