i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
