is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
