Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
