Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
