wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
