I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
that's an acceptable place to lick
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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