i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
