Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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