You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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