if you like me you must not know who I am
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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