I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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