literally had 100 drinks last night.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
