In the future we'll all be gay
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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