Even the bartender felt bad for me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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