College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We have started to decorate penises.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
