When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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