just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
