I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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