Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
