Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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