Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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