you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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