We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
