He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
