i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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