I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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