We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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