you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
