Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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