I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
