I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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