Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
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