I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
well you can't waste a boner
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
