The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
