The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
