There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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