i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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