Dignity is for republicans.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
